Austin, Texas Federal Judge Sam Sparks recently issued a novel Order in response to a fairly routine discovery dispute:

Greetings and Salutations!

You are invited to a kindergarten party on THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1,2011, at 10:00 a.m. in Courtroom 2 of the United States Courthouse, 200 W. Eighth Street, Austin, Texas.

The party will feature many exciting and informative lessons, including:

  • How to telephone and communicate with a lawyer

  • How to enter into reasonable agreements about deposition dates

  • How to limit depositions to reasonable subject matter

  • Why it is neither cute nor clever to attempt to quash a subpoena for technical failures of service when notice is reasonably given; and

  • An advanced seminar on not wasting the time of a busy federal judge and his staff because you are unable to practice law at the level of a first year law student.

Invitation to this exclusive event is not RSVP. Please remember to bring a sack lunch! The United States Marshals have beds available if necessary, so you may wish to bring a toothbrush in case the party runs late.

Accordingly,

IT IS ORDERED that defense counsel Jonathan L. Woods, and movants’ attorney Travis Barton, shall appear in Courtroom 2 of the United States Courthouse, 200 W. Eighth Street, Austin, Texas, on THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2011, at 10:00 a.m., for a memorable and exciting event

I am pretty certain these attorneys need some cheering up about having to repeat kindergarten. Maybe this will help:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=2FHfI84LGrk%3Frel%3D0